Monday, May 07, 2012

What Another Day Makes!

I was really excited when I got the call from 20/20 to help them in an undercover investigation!

As some of you (Stephen) may know, I come from Omaha, Nebraska.  It’s a “good ol’ boy” network, where the incompetent are often running nuclear power plants and a mentally disabled person is head of a bank chain.  Where “management potential” means you’re a male Caucasian. 

I’m convinced that there was a lot of inbreeding in Nebraska.  Just a few more generations of non-inbred children and the abilities of native Nebraskans will be equivalent to the rest of the nation.  But for now, not so much.  Of course if you live in a society dominated by mentally inferior folks, it is vital that you keep that good ol’ boy network going.

Anyways, bein’ that I’ve been spat upon by many-a-good ol’ boys, I was excited to help expose how incompetent those boys really are!

Here’s the deal.  Nebraska judges love to put them dark folks on the death penalty.  Only problem is, they ain’t got no-one who will sell them those lethal injection drugs.  So they go to Norway and purchase the drugs under the agreement that it won’t be used for lethal injections.

Now us Nebraskans are as sneaky as we are dumb (pronounced “dum-ba” in Nebraska).  We run home and wanna’ start killin’ folks with it.  Our lawyers figured, no one would really bother to check…a Nebraskan would never follow  up on sumthin’ like that.

So first thing those uppity Norwegeons do is check up on us, and now they want the drugs back.  Nebraska lawyers say, “No way, finders-keepers.”  Well, that don’t hold up in international court and they take our legal murder drug away.

So here’s the 20/20 plan…they know that Nebraska has been killin’ folks with some kind of injection, but they don’t know what…because before the court can order an autopsy, we burn up them bodies in a creamation.  Now 20/20 is on the scene (with my help), to find out what them Nebraskans have been killing inmates with.

“The plan is very simple really, we catch them in the act…ON CAMERA!!!  Very exciting!”

“Oh yes, I do say that sounds most fascinating!”  I reply.

“Did you become English?”  the producer asks.

“I say, I don’t know what the devil you’re talking about.”

“Well, ok.  For this plan to work we need to follow someone on death row…that will be you!”

“Naw, naw, I can’t do no jail time!”  I start crying, “I’m too pretty, they’ll put me in with Mr. Big who’s in good with the warden.  I CAN’T DO IT!  I CAN’T DO IT!!”

“Now, now it won’t be that…”

COMING NEXT:  Is it that bad?

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