I was really excited when I got the call from 20/20 to help them in an undercover investigation!
So here’s the plan…they know that Nebraska has been killin’ death row folks with some kind of injection, but they don’t know what? Before the court can order an autopsy, the criminal bodies get all burned up in a cremation, all nice and legal like.
Now 20/20 is on the scene to find out what them crazy Nebraskans have been killing folks with….
“Naw, naw, I can’t do no jail time!” I start crying, “I’m too pretty to go to jail! They’ll put me in cell-block “C” with Mr. Big who’s in good with the warden. I CAN’T DO IT! I CAN’T DO IT!!” I sober like a baby…
“That’s the beautiful part of it! We got a big rush job set up…you’ll be executed within a day of entering jail.” The producer assured.
“We told the Arizona police Chief that you were a jay-walking hispanicano and he signed the “Ok to terminate” papers…NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!! It’s a done deal!”
“So I don’t have to spend a year in jail?”
“No way! You’re in like ‘Flint’”
“Thank god for sheriffs who make their own laws!”
Two days later, I find myself lying down in a hospital table and they roll me into a room with several large observation windows.
“Ok, really, I’m not supposed to be here…” I tell on of the guards, matter-of-fact-like.
He ignores me and proceeds to put thick leather straps over my ankles to hold me to the table.
“No really guys, I’m not supposed to be here…I’m part of a news investigation. I DIDN’T BREAK ANY LAWS!!! I start screaming, “GET ME OUT!!! GUYS, COME IN HERE WITH THE CAMERA’S…GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!”
An expressionless guard secures my wrists with thick brown, worn, leather belts.
I try to wiggle free and buck my body any way possible to get loose. “Really, get me out…I’m not a criminal…I’m innocent I tell you…check the papers…”
The guard captain gives the signal to strap my mouth and a large belt is put over my mouth and secured. It’s so tight, my teeth cut into my mouth and blood trickles down to my neck. “Mmmmmmphhhh…mmmmmpppphhhhhh…”
No sound comes out, the guard captain seems happy now. The administering doctor nervously looks toward me. He’s not holding a syringe, but instead he’s setting up an IV. I settle down and look at the chemical they plan to put in me…the label says, “deuterium oxide.”
Sounded familiar, but I just wasn’t sure.
“Just how long should this take?” the captain asks.
“Once we replace more than 50% of his body fluids he should die soon afterwards…” Replies, the physician.
“Annnnnd? Do I have time to go get dinner and come back?” The guard captain askes.
“Yes, it’ll be at least 8-10 hours.”
“Good! So does this hurt?”
“Each cell of each internal organ breaking down one-by-one…oh yeah, it hurts.” The doctor responds…now looking at the heavy water and thinking. “It really hurts,” he repeats slowly.
“I…I…I can’t do it!” He slams the IV down on the table.
“Whaaaaa?” Captain speaks with authority, “Son you have to do it, this is what you signed up for and by God you are going to administer that drug.”
Physician replies, “First of all, this is not a drug…it’s waste water from a nuclear power plant. Second of all, this is NOT constitutional. It is cruel and unusual punishment and when you get thrown in prison…I don’t want to be your cell mate!”
He nods at the two guards at my table and they’re with the doc.
Next thing I know, one guard holds the captain while the other guard rolls me out the door followed by the physician.
As I’m rolling down the hall, I can see a crew pouncing on the captain with they’re big “Ah-ha!” moment on film!
As for me, my lips and the inside of my mouth hurts like hell.
COMING NEXT! What's your favorite color?