Now for a new feature:

On my way to the grocery store I thought about the new SNL being aired on Thursdays and then started thinking that it’s the same political humor aired by Rowan and Martin’s laugh-in…only 40 years later.

Then I started thinking about the famous, “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate” reward. They would give this award to someone who would do or say something as an expert, but time ended up showing they had no idea what they were talking about.

What a great idea!

I will continue the tradition….

(drum-roll-please.)…

My first “Flying Fickle Finger of Fate” goes to…

(more drum-roll)…

John McCain!

As he entered the race he could have chosen to (a) push his fiscal record of not wasting tax dollars and never introducing earmarks. He could have (b) claimed that he would bring back the fiscal conservatives that the Republican Party was once known for. He could have been the face of the “the good-old days” referring to the popular “Regan Years”, which would work nice to make his age a benefit rather than a perceived hindrance. Or (c), some other third thing.

However, McCain choose his foreign policy expertise as his main political push to the White House and then, adding insult to injury, said the following:

"I'm going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated."

--interview in the Wall Street Journal on Nov. 26, 2005

"Our economy, I think, is still -- the fundamentals of our economy are strong."

--Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 15, 2008

"Sure. Technically, I don't know."

--asked if the U.S. is in a recession, "60 Minutes" interview, Sept. 21, 2008

Who knew?

Had he pushed the economic points and stuck to it, when the economy collapsed, he could have said…”This is exactly what I’ve been trying to warn you about…fiscal responsibility…blah, blah, blah…if only they listened to me, me, me…” It would have been a perfect fit.

But the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate landed on his head when he chose foreign policy as the main push.

Who knew?

Speaking of fickle fate, here’s an opportunity you may not be able to take advantage of for another 20 or 50 years.

If you have a few extra dollars, invest.

It’s easier now than ever before. Go to Scott Trade or E-Trade and sign up…it cost ten bucks. Study the “micro-caps” (cheap stock), and buy anything you’ve heard of. Last week I bought 1000 shares of Sharper Image for $75 bucks. Ten years ago, the same amount of shares would cost $30,000.

If they go out of business, I’m out $75 bucks. If they stay in business, ten years from now I’ll sell that stuff after it reaches $30 a share and I’ll have $30,000. If there are some stock splits, I’ll get at least double that.

Tiny risk…huge possible gain.

Chances are you may never have this opportunity again, so if you have a few extra bucks, this is your chance!

Subject change…

Last week I alluded to the fact you can go to the Story section archives and read the “Mr. Sock-for-a-head” series. Then I dawned on me…the first story was so short, why just post it here? So I did…

Death of a Sock Puppet by Joshua Blanc

Daniel attempted to smile at the group of young children seated before him on confetti-strewn carpet. This was his fifth Birthday party gig this week, and each had been a disaster.

He crossed his fingers and prayed that Mr. Sockforahead could keep it together this time.

Just this once.

"Hello, Mr. Sockforahead, what do you have to say to all the little kiddies today?" he said to a sock-puppet draped over his right hand.

"Fuck you, kids!" was Mr. Sockforahead's jolly reply.

Daniel looked as shocked as the parents at the back of the room. This was not a good start. The kids laughed, so Daniel tried to save face before someone hurled him bodily from the house.

"Uh, Mr. Sockforahead, that wasn't very nice. We're here to entertain the children."

"They're having fun," said Mr. Sockforahead. "And if they aren't, well I don't give a shit!"

There were more silent stares from the parents.

Someone choked on their punch.

"Mr. Sockforahead, behave yourself."

"And what if I don't? What if I blow raspberries at everyone in the room? Thspsppppp!"

The kids laughed again, and the parents seemed to drop their defenses. But that was just the fuel Mr. Sockforahead needed for another outburst.

"What if I mooned them all, huh?" Mr. Sockforahead hoisted his sock up and bared the back of Daniel's hand to the crowd. "And what if I pulled down my pants and pissed all over the audience?"

That was it.

"God dammit, Mr. Sockforahead!"

Daniel ripped the sock from his hand and throttled it.

R.I.P.

Here are the links for the other “Sock-for-a-head” series:

Death of A Sock-Puppet

The Return Of Mr. Sockforahead

Mr. Sockforahead Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

Whatever Happened To Mr. Sockforahead?

That Darned Mr. Sockforahead (Part 1)

That Darned Mr. Sockforahead (Part 2)

If you liked those, try this other classic from 2000: