This just in…we got NEW STORIES at www.AlarminglyStrangeStories.com!!!
Go to the Strange Stories link and enjoy the new stuff. I’ve been too busy with a toddler and a newborn, but now that baby gurl II is eight months, I got a little time to do a little story posting. Look for new additions each week – just like the good ol’ days.
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!
Now about me.
For the last several years I’ve been investing a car payment a month into a 401k plan that is unique because it allows the user to log online and choose the Mutual funds to invest your retirement. I’ve used general geopolitical indicators and news events to guide my decisions and so far it’s worked real well as investments go.
For example, when Bush became President of the US, I knew that his knowledge of science was limited and I dumped all Funds investing in science technology.
Bush would be the last person to invest government money in the myth of science.
As a result of my fiddilin’ around I enjoyed a twenty eight point sumthin’, sumthin’ percent increase. As I did the year before.
Last week I viewed my portfolio because its time to re-evaluate to see if changes need to be made. When I used the web calculator to find this year to date earnings, my little heart went-a-flutter. I actually dropped into the negative gain area!
I couldn’t believe it, I worked so hard. Sure this last year with the new baby and all’ I didn’t dedicate much time to it…BUT IN THE NEGATIVE!!! I couldn’t believe the stock market betrayed me in such a way!
“The market has betrayed me! I said underneath tears with clenched hands.
Then my voice got louder as my anger grew, “I’m getting rid of all my investin’ stuff!” I cried with tears flowing down my cheeks.
I ran to the basement where I had all my mutual chart indicators with self calculated forecasts and tore them from the wall.
“I’M GETTING’ RID OF ALL OF IT!!!” I cried.
I ran upstairs crying like a baby to the bedroom and ripped the jhpensions.com bedspread off the bed, “AAAAAALL OF IT!”
I grabbed the Warren Buffet doll sitting to Sponge bob. With a strained smile I pulled the string from its belly, “Buy low, sell high.” Then I opened the window and threw it out, “ALL OF IT!” I screamed.
I pulled dresser drawer out and tossed it to the floor and frantically threw T shirts out of the way until I found my “I’m an Investor” T shirt and threw it out the window, “AAALLLL OF IT!”
I collapsed to the floor and cried like a baby repeating over and over, “All of it. All of it. All of it…”
But all in all, it was a good day.
Ok, you caught me. That last joke was stolen from a Sponge Bob Squarepants episode. Oh well, what do you want for nuthin’ Rubba’ bisquits?
COMING NEXT: I write something original!