The advice keeps rolling in!

Bob on Twitter (he never updates it...but you have to see for yourself)
Bob on Facebook (again, nothing...but go there anyway?)

Dear Bob,
I am a newlywed who loves her husband very much; however, I am very shy and I have never passed gas in front of him. It just doesn’t seem lady-like. I have never eaten until I am full in his presence; in fact, I have never had a bowel movement in our apartment. I usually “have to go” in the morning, so I drive to the Kwick Shop down the street and use the public restroom there.

I’m just not comfortable with these type of personal matters. Am I living a lie?


Dear Whose-a-ma-kolic,
For the love of Mary, next time give me your name.

You must be some kind of wild-woman! Let me guess, at bedtime, you undress, lie stiff as a board, cover your face with a pillow and tell your hubby to “get it over with as quick as possible.” Then, 17 seconds later, you run out of the room, curl up in a corner in the front room and cry yourself to sleep.

Then it goes down hill from there.

I have to admit, on your first few dates it may seem un-lady-like to use your dates restroom and stink up the whole place, or it may not be too cool to cover up one nostril and blow a snot-wad on his glass coffee table (which every bachelor should have). But once married I would think basic human body functions should be ok.

To tell the truth, when I was first married, we had a main floor restroom and one in the basement. I always “went in the basement” when my wife was either not home or pre-occupied. It was kind of important to me not to share this toilet. Several years later we moved to an apartment with only one bathroom, it really took me a while to get used to the idea that I wouldn’t have my own private bathroom…but we managed.

All embarrassment of pooping and the like disappeared when we had kids and we were cleaning up poop and pee off the baby, carpet, and sometimes ourselves, on a regular basis.

At one point, baby gurl I, had diarrhea that sprung up unexpectedly while she was taking a nap (she was two). She ran down the hall, leaking poop all the way to the bathroom. Nothing makes you less embarrassed about bowel movements than cleaning up an entire hallway filled with runny poop.

An there you have it, start making baby’s and all your inhibitions will dissolve. If your not ready for kids yet, try getting a dog. They poop a lot too.

COMING NEXT: A new song?