Sunday, December 05, 2010

Relationship advice!

Andrew asks:

Hey Bob,Last week I got a haircut. My wife didn’t notice but I don’t really care. However, last month she got her hair all done up and I didn’t notice. No big deal right?

WRONG!!!! She got all twisted out of shape!

What gives?

Dear Andy,

Oh hell, I don’t know.

But this I do know, if you want a little sugar in your tea tonight, your gonna-wanna make sure she feels good about herself.

Just do this without thinking and it’ll all be alright. When the women mentions she’s gonna get her hair done on what-ever-day-she-says, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and write a note to yourself with the date and time and put it in your wallet.

On the big day, make a mental note of how her hair looks before she leaves, then, when you certain it has changed (beware of cancelled appointments), say this, “Saaaaaaaaaaay, I really like what you did to your hair!”

Try to look surprised to create the impression that you just can’t believe how good it looks. Don’t look too surprised. Sometimes an over-surprised expression is mistaken for fear.

If your not married, then you really don’t have to do anything other than nod your head to acknowledge the change, fart and drink another beer.

When I was dating, I made a deliberate effort to be more of an inconsiderate-bastard-pig than I really am. By the time me and the ol’ lady got hitched, I curbed my nastiness it a bit and now the she thinks she did a really good job “reforming” me.

In reality I tried extra hard to be a super-slob, and didn’t really try too hard in bed. By our fifth year I started wiping my ass a little better and taking showers and I actually started trying to please the woman…Now she thinks she’s in heaven.

COMING NEXT: Will anyone ask anything iteresting?

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