In this week’s column, Stephen Johnson listed my favorite album as “High School Musical 2” and my favorite concert a “Hanna Montana” concert. In response I must defend myself.
Just for a little history, about 13 years ago I bought a “Shaggy” CD and the first “Atlantis Morrisette” CD and I liked them both. He’s given me shit about the “Woman from Atlantis” ever since, and now characterizes me as a female bubble-gum pop-music lover.
He also makes fun of me for being a “Star Trek” fan!
Well, fuck you Stephen Johnson…FUCK YOU!
“Tappity-tap-tap-tap, tappity tap-tap, tappity tap-tap, tappity tap-tap, tappity tap-tap-tap…” Those are the sounds of my loafers against my hard wood floor hallway as I run away - overcome by emotion.
Anywho’s, I don’t have a favorite movie anymore, ‘cause me and the ol’ lady got two kids with another on the way. I also ended up with seventeen illegitimate kids and 165 grandkids, which keeps me pretty busy…I’m not even 30 yet! YOU DO THE MATH.
I’ll try to list all the movies I saw this year…forget about good or bad…this is all I know:
- The Chronicles of Narnia – I say good…I like to see animals talk.
- Dr Doolittle, the 5th generation part II – Not good…I don’t like to see them talk that much.
- The Jodi Foster movie where she gets mugged. I say good…I can’t remember the name, ‘One brave Woman or somthin’” The ol’ lady made me see it, but I liked it. Jodi Foster looks good, although I kept expecting Austin Powers to jump in, pull her wig off and say, “She a man, baby.” I mean that in a good way.
- An Inconvenient Truth – I say good. I like Al Gore, he should be in more movies.
- X men, last Stand, ect. – I say good. I recorded it on Tivo and fast forwarded it to all the scenes where stuff blows up. They got stuff blowin up real good!
That’s all that come to mind for 2007.
For TV fans, there’s only three shows I like to watch when new episodes pop on. “Dr. Who,” “My Name is Earl,” and the “Bionic Woman.” Take it for what it’s worth. I like Bionic Woman because I’ve always been a fan of the “Bionic Man” although I don’t own any action figures.
In Bionic Woman I like that they didn’t get a fitness lady to play Jamie Summers. She’s athletic with a little bit of lady flab…I mean that in a good way. Female fitness freaks scare me.
I figure they’re on the Steroids, and if you was in bed with one she’d only think of you as a piece of meat, which is fine. But if she liked it, she would tighten up her woman muscles and tear your man-ness right off with blood spurting everywhere. Then she would have your man-ness stuffed and use it as a dildo, while you lay there dead on the floor. It’s just seems too scary to me.
This column ran a little long, but that’s ok, ‘cause I’m not working on the new “AlarminglyStrangeStory.com” template. For those who are interested, you can get a sneak peak at www.weirdpublishing.com/wordpress . Fair warning, this is just a test site and all data will be lost when I switch it over to the main site, but if you have any suggestions, go ahead and leave a comment on a post.
And Now You Know!
COMING NEXT: Shall I fill in the blanks for the writers strike!