Just when the networks got rid of all those lame reality shows and graced us with real TV shows that requires writers, the writers decided that they wanted a piece of the TV pie and went on strike.
Well, good for them! But why should we all suffer?
Always ready to help a brother in need, I decided to go ahead and write the next episode of “24”. My only handicap is that I’ve never seen the show, but I looked up the last episode on the internet and will continue the series, for you, for as long as it takes!
Another handicap is that the only TV show I’ve ever watched regularly is re-runs of “I Love Lucy” on TV Land. So I’ll just have to do the best I can with what I know.
The show opens up at some country that’s gonna get blown up by an air strike to appease the Russians. (?) I don’t know where this takes place, but imagine a land with lots of sand. Jack is with Bill and together they will save Jacks son Josh who just happens to be in the same country that is gonna get bombed!
Jack: Will you hurry up already? We gotta get goin’ so’s we can save me bambino!
Bill: Well, before we get goin’ on your little adventure, I wanna know who’s gonna pay for the taxi! (Bill pulls his pants up to his belly button)
Jack: Wha’ you talkin’ bout? We already agreed, we’s gonna split the cab right down the middle! (Jack waves his arms in the air while he speaks.)
Bill: Split the cab! I never agreed that! I agreed to help get your boy. Split the cab, are you out of your mind! It’s your kid!
Jack: Look Bill, juice gonna be riding in it too! It halvsies, I told juice before!
Bill: I’m just sayin’, that back seat is gonna be there whether we ride in it or not, and the taxi fare will be the same. Why should I have to pay!
Jack: Aiee-yi-yi! (He slaps his hand on his forhead.)
Ethel: Now Bill, don’t be such a cheap skate! We gotta go save Ricki-Jr.!
Bill: Ok because it’s Ricki-Jr. (Bill turns his back to Jack and pulls out his wallet and takes out a few bills.)
Jack: Lookie here Bill, a-couple dollars jus not gonna cut it. (He gets louder now.) It costs more than five pesos to go cross-country in a taxi…fork over the cash. (He says while holding his hand out.)
Bill: Awwwwwww! (He hands Jack a few more dollars.)
Driver: Look you’s guys gonna ride or not. I got other customers waiting if you got somthin’ else to do!
Jack: Here you go. (Jack gives the driver a good hard stare while he hands him the cash.)
Driver: Who are your givin’ the evil-eye too?
Jack: Now don’t you get started!
Taxi Driver: You lookin’ at me? You lookin’ at me? I don’t see anyone else here? You must be lookin’ at me? (He reaches in his coat pocket…)
Jack: Ok’s, Ok’s, don’t get ‘xcited, her’s a few more pesos! (He hands the driver more money and they all climb in the Taxi and drive off.)
Ethel: I just hope Ricki-Jr. didn’t get hurt while you two were arguing! (She sulks while folding her arms.)
Jack: Look Ricki-Jr. will be just fine. All we has to do is….Did juice hear that?”
Bill: What Jack, what did you hear?
Jack: Stop the taxi! Stop the taxi! (He says with wide open eyes.)
(The Driver stops.)
Jack: Its coming from the trunk! The trunk!
(They all get out and gather around the trunk.)
Ethel: Oh dear, what could it be?
Jack: Open the trunk! Open the trunk! (He says to the driver.)
Driver: All right, all right, keep yer pants on. (He fumbles through his keys and opens the trunk.)
(The trunk pops open and a familiar red-head sits up with eyes wide open.)
Jack: Lucy! Wha’ juice doin’ in there?
Lucy: I wanna help save Ricki-Jr.!
Jack: I tol’ you, you can’t be in the show! Saving Ricki-Jr. is a man’s job and is no place for a silly red-head!
Lucy: But Ethel got to go!
Jack: That’s completely differn’t. Bill can’t do a thin’ without Ethel.
Ethel: That’s for sure.
(The sound of approaching planes gets louder)
Jack: Now look wha’ you did, we’s all gonna get blown to smitherines! (He says while putting both hands on his head.)
Lucy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!
(Take to file footage of an atomic explosion)
And Now You Know!
COMING NEXT: More Scripts!