Sunday, March 11, 2007

Those damn bags

Wayne from ___________? Writes:

am i stupid

Bob writes:
First of all I’m not gonna pick on you for omitting punctuation or capitol letters, that would just be too easy. There is but one-way to test your query…

Which reminds me. It all started about two months ago when I received an unexpected phone call from a fine young man representing a prestigious organization.

“Hel-doe…” he said with a “corkyish” sounding voice, which had a sound that said, “My tongue is permanently stuck to the roof of my mouth.”

“Yes.” Came my reply.

“I amb calding from ‘handi-capit-ous’, an organ, an organi, an organiz…a company of handbi-caps.”

“You don’t say.” I replied.

“Yeth. We have berry populous bags of garbage. Many of the buyers, buy them. Well, not bags of garbage, as much as they are garbage bags for garbage.”

“How much?”

“What size do you want?”

“30 gallon bags.” I answered.

“Well we got two sizes, big and small.”

“I guess I’ll be ordering ‘big’…how much?”

“Well both sizes cost the same.”

“Which is?”

“What, what, do you want?”

“The garbage bags, how much?”

“Oh yeah, they cost the same as the small.”

“Ok, just order me a box.”

“Oooh, oooh, oooh, hold on…” I heard the phone drop and the sound of footprints running off.

Now I hear the sound of footprints coming back, and…”don’t hang up, I need an order form…” Off he runs again.

Twenty minutes later I had my order good to go.

A month later I get a bill for $40, the cost of twenty garbage bags.

Oh yes, small size. Which is the same cost as the large size.

I call and explain the mistake and they say they’ll send a new box of “large” size bags.

Now it’s a month later and I just received three boxes of garbage bags, one small and two large size boxes. This is way much more trouble than it was worth. The way I see it, I just got stuck for $160 worth of garbage bags…either that or I’m rippin’ off a handicap organization.

Just fed up with the whole thing, I dial the phone in a rage and the first thing I do is start with the whole story.

“Blah, blah, blah…what the hell is wrong with you people!!!” I conclude.

“Well, well, I have serious vision problems, and Jake over there has trouble with his hearing – he’s also in a wheelchair. Sarah has mental limitations, but she don’t fill orders…and on and on the list goes.

Now I feel like a first class jerk, “Never mind,” I say, “I’ll send a check.”

So Wayne, unless your selling bags of garbage over the phone, I’d say your smarter than you think.

COMING NEXT: The Union of the State

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